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Will You Be My Friend?

September 13, 2013

Remember how easy it was to make friends in Kindergarten? Two 5-year olds who like eating glue = immediate bond. Even that may be stretching it, when I was 5 I’m pretty sure my entire class and their Mom’s were invited to my birthday parties. Seemingly it used to be a whole lot easier to make friends.

Can you spot me? Hint: I’m the really unhappy one…
In the last several years I’ve thought a lot about what it takes to make new friends. I was incredibly lucky to be one of those people who just always had them. I only changed schools once when I was 12 and even then the transition just seemed a whole lot easier. I was fortunate to have attended schools where my friend groups were basically facilitated for me. Emphasis was put on involvement and being an active contributor to school life and I was also a part of after-school activities that allowed me to connect with people with similar interests. Around 18 when I left for university things seemed to change. Having a social life all of a sudden became work.
 
I’m not going to pretend like the transition from high-school to university (college for you American folk) was easy. Canadian schools are MUCH different than American ones. There’s very limited greek life, non-existent organized sports teams (except hockey) and just a very poor support system. I also happened to choose the one school in Canada where being involved made you less cool. Alcohol was the main way to make friends (the drinking age is 18 in Montreal) and while I love getting my booze on now and then I had been hoping to connect with other people on a slightly less intoxicated level. All the structure that I’d had to help me make friends was gone! The first year was rocky, but over the course of 4 years I was able to make and foster some amazing friendships. But it certainly was not a walk in the park…
Miss this girl! And Montreal chills 🙂
I am the type of person who is perfectly happy with my alone time. I have never needed to be surrounded by people. I am quite capable and comfortable with occupying my “me” time. This also means that I tend to shy away from social situations if they might remotely put me out of my comfort-zone. Why make myself uncomfortable when I could just hang out with myself? Great attitude right? I knew it was time for a change and a move to NYC seemed like the perfect opportunity. 
 
It was like I took on a whole new personality. All of sudden I was saying yes to meeting up with my Mom’s friend’s cousin’s cat’s groomer’s brother who also happens to live in The City. “Friend dates” were happening most nights of the week and the word “yes” came out of my mouth far more frequently than “no”. And you know what? It totally worked. I should add that I also happened to have friends and family who lived in and around NYC before I got there so it wasn’t all completely new, but my attitude certainly was and I absolutely reaped the benefits. 
Sam let’s move back to NYC k?
Making new friends required me to stick my neck out, say yes to every invitation and be the initiator of plans even if it made me uncomfortable. Seeing myself be successful at all of these things certainly gave me the boost of confidence I needed to “make it” in the greatest city in the world. 
 
It also taught me an important lesson, it wasn’t easier to make friends when we were in kindergarten, we just thought less about it. Saying things like “I like you”, “we should be friends”, “let’s make a playdate”.
 
I certainly have a list of things I need to work on and in the last several years have put in a significant effort to work on many of them. Some I have failed at, namely lashing out when I’m anxious or hangry, being a maven, and my horrific driving skills, but I can confidently say that making new friends is no longer on this list. 
{source}

 

Will you be my friend?
How have you or do you make new friends?

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  • Reply
    Kathy @ Vodka and Soda
    September 13, 2013 at 10:44 am

    uh, YA I WILL! why do you think i invited you out for trail runs? 🙂

    i’m the same; i’m perfectly fine being alone. when i left western and attended york, i had ZERO friends all year and i’m not kidding about that. i went to class and then went straight home and that didn’t bother me in the least. i also hated York U which is probably why i never bothered to make any friends but i studied in the halls on my own nor did i talk to anyone in class (didn’t even make friends with one study buddy).

    i’m all for making new friends; the blogosphere is great for making connections (like you!!) but i have always had a group of friends and we’ve been friends for like, 20 years or something.

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 10:50 pm

      That sounds a lot like my first year at McGill. Res life just wasn’t for me and I basically completely wrote it off instead of trying to make friends. On the bright side my grades were awesome…but yeah it SUCKED. Things got better once I moved out 🙂

      I’m soooo looking forward to trail running with you. I’ll be in touch this week to make plans 🙂

  • Reply
    Joanne
    September 13, 2013 at 11:15 am

    Love this! It definitely does get “harder” to make friends the older you get, but you’re right that really it’s just that it takes a little more of an effort to say yes! Great post!

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 10:51 pm

      It just didn’t seem like effort when we were 5! It came so naturally….getting over my awkward was tough but being lonely totally blows.

  • Reply
    Chelsea @ Chelsea's Healthy Kitchen
    September 13, 2013 at 11:58 am

    Yes! Let’s be friends! 😀 I’m so glad I’m going to get to meet you soon!

    And I can totally relate to this post – I like my “me” time too, so I sometimes find it hard to get out of my comfort zone. But hearing about your experience in NYC has really inspired me to put myself out there more.

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 10:52 pm

      I’m so happy to hear that Chelsea!!! I’m thinking September 27th will be a great day for us!! 🙂

  • Reply
    Madison
    September 13, 2013 at 12:01 pm

    I totally will be your friend and actually already consider myself one! 🙂 You are awesome and this post is great. I think we all feel the same way. It can be so exposing trying to make new friends but it’s always worth it in the long run.

  • Reply
    Miss Polkadot
    September 13, 2013 at 12:21 pm

    Yes! I’d be all in for being friends – let’s just forget about the distance for a moment :).
    Actually, you’re speaking from the bottom of my heart in this post. Even though my shyness might have gone further so I didn’t have the easiest time making friends when I was younger, either. Not like I didn’t have friends – just not as many as some of the ‘popular’ kids. Pushing myself out of my comfort zone is something I really need to work on but I’ll have to admit it’s still hard for me. I’m not quite sure how to start.

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 10:55 pm

      I was fortunate to have gone to a school where even being a nerd or shy made you popular….they did a lot to facilitate our friendships, which totally backfired when I went to Uni cause I had no clue how to make friends.

      My suggestions for stepping out of your comfort zone would be to join a club or take a class of some sort. I’m starting a baking class soon (which I’m sooo excited about!) and I’ve done random meet and greets through meet-up.com Not sure if they have that in Germany but it was a great place for people like me who were looking for friends could connect on similar interests. Also I’ve randomly made a lot of friends in yoga class??

      I am totally your friend btw 🙂

  • Reply
    Karey @ Nutty About Health
    September 13, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    I can totally relate to it being more difficult to make friends when you get older. Good for you on putting yourself out there & saying “yes”! 🙂 I really want to make some friends, but it is HARD. I don’t have any friends I hang out with around here & all & I wish I had a fun girl to go shopping with… it’s lonely sometimes, but I don’t know how to go about making friends. It’s tricky. I think I’m picky about the type of friend I want too, so that doesn’t help. Most people my age have kiddos, so that gets in the way too.

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 10:56 pm

      It is so hard and it takes time but you just need to put yourself out there. I facebooked friends before I left for NYC asking if they knew anyone living there and then had them connect us! It’s always easier if you know someone in common. Also take some classes! Libraries often have some awesome classes or meet-up.com can be a great resource. For now I’m totally your friend and if you ever want to chat feel free to shoot me an email 🙂

  • Reply
    Tiff @ Love Sweat and Beers
    September 13, 2013 at 12:28 pm

    Yes! 🙂 If you were in NC instead of NYC, we’d totally have a friend date. Great post, and I really like that last quote with the penguins. That’s totally true.

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 10:57 pm

      Thank you!!! I loved the quote. I’m back in Toronto now so even further but if I’m ever in NC I know who to call 🙂

  • Reply
    Sarah Ohm
    September 13, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    Hehe I’ll be your friend!! xo

  • Reply
    Jan Sproutsnsquats
    September 13, 2013 at 12:34 pm

    Love this post!! Of course I will 🙂 that is such a great story of you moving out of your comfort zone and saying yes.

    As a Consultant I am always working with new ppl on projects which has been the easiest and quickest way to make new friends as there is nothing like being thrown in the deep end on a project that makes you get to know the others you are working with very quickly!

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 10:58 pm

      That’s awesome!!! I am so thankful for my co-workers!! I consider many of them good friends and know that down the road when we all move onto different things we will definitely stay in touch.

  • Reply
    Amy @ The Little Honey Bee
    September 13, 2013 at 12:52 pm

    You know I love this and thank you for the help 🙂 I’d say that our friendship is the perfect example of this. Playdate soon? Happy YK! (I’d fast if I didn’t get so hangry…) xo

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 10:59 pm

      perfect example! So many play dates to come and that makes me so happy 🙂 Didn’t even consider fasting for a second lol

  • Reply
    softserveandsquats.com
    September 13, 2013 at 12:53 pm

    Loved this. We are absolutely friends!! I’ve noticed in my own life what a huge difference it makes to reach out. Have a wonderful weekend pretty girl!

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 10:59 pm

      Love my blends 🙂 A simple text, call or email can go such a long way. Have a wonderful weekend yourself!

  • Reply
    Shawn @ Fruity N Nutty
    September 13, 2013 at 1:17 pm

    Let’s be friends. 😀 It’s almost like you wrote this post for me. 😛 I’ve been pretty shy since forever and making friends has never been my strong suit. Pretty sure, it took me quite a while in kindergarten too. Reading about how you branched out is really amazing and inspiring, reminds me that I should stick my neck out more, especially since I’m starting freshman year of college.

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:01 pm

      Shawn!!! You are deep in the trenches of the hardest but also best time in your life! Don’t get too caught up on having friends in the first day. You will eventually find the people you connect with. And be prepared for your friends to change quite a bit at the start while you get acclimated. If I could go back in time I would tell myself to relax and not get too caught up on not having a group of 20 friends by the second day of school!!! It all works out in the end. Boy do I wish I could go back in time and relive my undergrad!

  • Reply
    Amy @ Long Drive Journey
    September 13, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    When I read the title of your post, I gasped and wished I could pick up my phone and text you telling you that we’re on the same wavelength. You literally read my mind (and this could have been an extension of my post today)! I totally admire you for going out on friend dates. You have to put yourself out there so much more as an adult. That is something I’m learning, but I’m also learning that lots of other people feel the exact same way and WANT to be friends…it just takes more time than it did in kindergarten.

    Also HELLO is that you with blonde hair in front of the empire state building??

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:06 pm

      When are we not on the same wavelength??? (p.s. I just wrote lengthwave and thought it looked funny but it took a solid 30 seconds for me to realize why eek!). I think you are the best example of someone who is reaching out and creating their own community but also recognizing that these things take time. CAN YOU JUST MOVE HERE??? You can have my research job and I can be your personal chug!!

      and yes…I had a blonde phase. It coincided with my wild phase we you definitely need to hear more about 😉

  • Reply
    Kim
    September 13, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    Great post – I think that at different periods of my life it has been more (and sometimes less) of a challenge to make friends. But, like you said, sometimes it requires really putting yourself out there and being available.

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:02 pm

      I have a feeling it will get easier once I start having kids since you gotta take your kids to all those birthday parties!

  • Reply
    Alex@Veggin Out
    September 13, 2013 at 1:46 pm

    Aren’t we already friends?! Hehe yes I totally will be/am your friend. 🙂
    Making friends is so much harder that most make it out to be. It really does take a lot of commitment, and since I’m still in the process of loosening up a bit with school, usually my commitment is mostly to school… Great for you for putting yourself out there! Hopefully I can learn to do the same. 🙂

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:03 pm

      You totally can Alex! It’s hard to balance school and social life. The thing that worked for me was making friends with people who had a similar study mindset. Then we could take lunches between study breaks and sneak treats to each other in the library 🙂

  • Reply
    Gabby Ouimet
    September 13, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    Aww I loved this post and YES of course I will be your friend!

    I always had a hard time making friends, being shy and quiet. I, like you, have been very comfortable staying home and being by myself. It took a big move for me (to Dublin) to come out of my shell, to start saying YES and take the initiative. I am so thankful I did that. I have made many rewarding relationships since my move to Toronto and I am so grateful 🙂

    Can’t wait to actually meet you in person!

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:04 pm

      Sometimes it just takes a big change in environment to allow YOU to change. I am soooo looking forward to meeting you!!! I feel like we have so much to talk about 🙂

  • Reply
    Erin @ The Almond Eater
    September 13, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    I loved everything about this. I feel like I might be you….or the old you. I am much better at saying “no” than saying “yes”, and I hate that! What fun is that, and where is that going to get me??

    Though making friends in college came pretty easily for me, it’s the making friends post-college that has become a challenge. Luckily, many of my friends still live nearby, but I know that won’t be the case for very long and I’ll have to start making friends on my own. Becoming a “yes” person is on my list of things to do 🙂

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:08 pm

      Erin I know exactly how you feel!!! Try to take classes in things you are interested in and literally target people you want to be friends with. That sounds crazy but people are almost always also looking for new friends and like you just want someone to reach out to them. You can totally be that person!!! It’s so much easier to stay home and be anti-social but it’s also so much lonelier. Hang in there hun and know you always have a friend in me 🙂

  • Reply
    Kim @ BusyBod
    September 13, 2013 at 2:15 pm

    OMG, yes of course I will be your friend ;). Seriously though, this is my life. John and I are always whining about how hard it is to make friends now that we are “adults.” Despite my loud-mouthing all over the internet, I’m actually super shy when I first meet people (and then become my loud and crazy self when I get comfortable). I am super socially awkward at first. so I never take the extra steps needed to form a friendship with the people I meet who have the potential to become friends. It’s something I really want (and need) to work on.

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:18 pm

      I’ll break you in once we finally meet. I may love my alone time but I am definitely that girl who fills awkward silences and will talk her face off 😉

      It’s definitely hard especially for couples. I was talking to C about this the other day. I think we should double-date and you crazies can try to convince us into doing a spartan run 😉

  • Reply
    Suzanne Poldon
    September 13, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    Making friends as you get older is certainly difficult. My parents are struggling too, since having not kids at home means needing to find things to do. Forget the haaaterrrss, cause somebody loves yaaaaaa (quoting Miley Cyrus; not that anyone hates ya 😉

    I am so excited to meet you at the end of the month (in person), and I hope we become fact friends 🙂

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:19 pm

      hahahaha thanks for the Miley quote…almost got me twerkin there! So excited to meet you too lovely 🙂

  • Reply
    Danielle @Labelsarefortincans
    September 13, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    You are so right about making friends! I really admire my friend May – one of the first people I met here in Vancouver (through school). She’s very ‘forward’ about making friends and inviting people out to do things. And it works! I am trying to be more that way.

    Look forward to our tea date! 🙂

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:20 pm

      We either have to have May or be a May! Not all of us get so lucky to have someone who seeks us out so sometimes we gotta fake it till we make it right???

      Can’t wait for our tea date!

  • Reply
    Megan (The Lyons' Share)
    September 13, 2013 at 2:46 pm

    I completely agree! It’s interesting that making friends as adults can be so awkward … a lot of my friends start out as colleagues so it’s always interesting to navigate how to cross that bridge. But I think “these days” (yes I sound like I’m 80 years old), blogging can be a great way to make friends, too, and I look forward to our friendship! 🙂

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:23 pm

      I completely consider my blogging friends real friends. There’s something about being so exposed that brings you closer together. I’m so fortunate to love my colleagues and consider many of them friends. I have faith I wouldn’t be too lonely without them (thanks to a few skills I figured out) but it made my life a lot easier liking the people I see everyday!

  • Reply
    charlotte @ commitness to fitness
    September 13, 2013 at 3:05 pm

    We already are friends arent we?? 🙂 its so much harder to make friends as you get older. i have my core group from when i was younger, and ive made a couple friends for life as ive been an adult, but for the most part its about quality over quantity now. and im like you- i have no problem with alone time. and thats one of the amazing things ive found with blogging is the friendships you develop.love this post 🙂

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:25 pm

      Duh! Best blends 🙂

      I love my core group of friends who I grew up with but we’ve all changed and have different interests so it’s been awesome to meet and connect with people who have the same interests as me.

  • Reply
    Jessica @ FromtheKitchentotheRoad
    September 13, 2013 at 3:16 pm

    Great post! I have been thinking about friendship a lot lately. I moved to Milwaukee 2 years ago and am finally now actively trying to get out of my bubble and make some friends. It is not easy and you do have to step out of your comfort zone but it will be worth it in the end, hopefully!

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:25 pm

      It can be a slow process but certainly worth the effort! I’m here if you ever want to talk 🙂

  • Reply
    Amy @ Elephant Eats
    September 13, 2013 at 3:21 pm

    Aw, I love this post- I wanna be your friend! I’m really really similar to you in that I value “me” time. A lot of the time I’d rather just hang out on my couch than go out. And it’s so hard to make new friends because it feels like dating! I just want friendship to be easy, you know what I mean? If it involves too much effort (not in planning, but in BEing) then I think the friendship just isn’t meant to me. That being said, I have a very small group of close friends, most of whom I’ve known forever. I’d love to make more but I don’t even know where to start and it just feels awkward sometimes 🙁 Friendships in blogland are so much easier!
    P.S. Why were you so unhappy in that photo?!

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:27 pm

      I have NOOOO idea. I really wish I knew but likely someone ate my cupcake or something…I only get that upset over food lol.

      Friend dates are entirely like dating. Totally agree that too much effort is not worth it but occasionally you gotta put the work in to actually make a few friends 😉 Fun fact, one time I asked a random person who I was set up on a friend date if they wanted to go bowling…I figured if they said no then we probably weren’t meant to be friends but if they said yes we were soulmates. He said yes…and it was awesome 😉

  • Reply
    Tara
    September 13, 2013 at 3:30 pm

    Do you watch How I Met Your Mother? Sorry, but I laughed when you mentioned your school only had hockey, it reminded me of Robin. 🙂 I totally agree that it’s so much harder to make friends. When I was younger I had so many friends, and now it’s hard to pick them up as I go. We also categorize things like my ‘school friends’ or my ‘work friends when in reality they are just your friend friends!

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:28 pm

      When I was living in NYC people asked me all the time if I watched how I met your mother!!!

      Pet peeve of mine is when people try to keep their friends separate. The more the merrier right??

  • Reply
    Dixya
    September 13, 2013 at 3:33 pm

    I can relate a lot to this post. I was a very social person while growing up and even in college but I moved to a different states and do not really meet new people unless I put some effort. I no longer have that many friends and its always like school friends, work friends, blog friends etc – kinda sucks but again I guess it adult life 😛

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:30 pm

      Yeah I definitely think pruning your friends is a part of growing up but I think it’s also a slippery slope where it can just become easier to go about your life interacting with people but never really connecting with them. I’m all about connecting friends from different friend groups. I just love when friends from different aspects of my life like each other 🙂

  • Reply
    Pamela @ Brooklyn Farm Girl
    September 13, 2013 at 3:38 pm

    Kindergarten pictures are just the best aren’t they? I never get sick of looking at them (and my giant glasses I had).

    I definitely think as you get older and have a relationship, it’s harder to make friends. I can feel it in my own life. It’s like I have a make a effort or something.. the agony!

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:36 pm

      So many embarrassing photos! Curly bangs are never a good idea lol

      And finding the time to make the effort is a whole other story…

  • Reply
    Ang @ Nutty for Life
    September 13, 2013 at 3:56 pm

    I will be your friend! Haha I really connect with this piece. I get very anxious when I come into new situations like going to college or starting my internship. Every time I am faced with the prospect of meeting new people, I’m like ‘wait… how do I do this again? What am I supposed to say!!?!” and then it just happens naturally without me even realizing it.

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:37 pm

      We all overthink it! It’s like we assume everyone else in the world is disinterested in making new friends which clearly is not the case! I think we can either bank on having someone who reaches out to us (which doesn’t always happen) or be that person to other people. I would rather choose the latter!

  • Reply
    eatgreatbegreat
    September 13, 2013 at 4:04 pm

    This is a great post! As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found that I’ve become more and more of a loner. I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but making friends has always been something that was difficult for me growing up. I was kind of the shy child. Though I’ve chosen to be on the loner side, I’m certainly not opposed to making new friends, but it isn’t something that necessarily comes easy to me. And yes…I’ll be your friend!

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:40 pm

      I think it’s ok to prune our friends and keep the ones we still connect with but having such busy lives (which we have at this age and will probably only get busier) means making new friends who we could potentially have an awesome relationship gets pushed to the wayside. I would totally have been your friend growing up…if that picture is any indication I had no problems vocalizing lol. But we can make up for lost time now. Definitely friends 🙂

  • Reply
    kellyrunsforfood.com
    September 13, 2013 at 4:10 pm

    Love this! It definitely is harder to make friends as you get older. Being a complete extravert, I’ve had a hard time accepting that my social circle is a lot smaller than it was when I was in college. Friends move away and work gets busy, and that motivation to make new friends seems to dwindle. I love making new friends though, and always welcome the awkward playdate invitations! 🙂

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:41 pm

      Perfect candidate for a new friend 🙂 I love meeting knew people who are also open to new friendships. Nothing worse than someone acting like their friend quota is full grrr. Our social lives completely take a back-seat at this age and it’s so unfortunate. We require a balance of work and play but I guess when play feels like work it’s just easier to be antisocial. Ah wellllll at least we can be friends 🙂

  • Reply
    veganmiam.com
    September 13, 2013 at 5:22 pm

    You don’t need my permission to be your friend! I’ll always be your friend 🙂 you are too awesome! I enjoy meeting new people, especially restaurant owners and vegans whilst traveling abroad and it’s important to make and keep new connections! Most of my close friends are faraway – Australia, Thailand (a Dansk living there), Japan, Sweden, or even Texas! We always keep in touch few times a year on email, phone or Skype and/or reunite every few years.

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:44 pm

      I so appreciate that! You must need a very open attitude to new friends when you travel so much. We could all take a cue from your book 🙂

  • Reply
    Brittany Bendall
    September 13, 2013 at 5:45 pm

    So I totally see women on the street with shoes or a dress or something that I like and I joke to my husband that I want to go up to them and say “we should be friends.” I will definitely be your friend. I’ve only been following you for a little while now but I love your blog! I feel like I get to know the “real” Davida through your writing! I think it’s so much harder to make friends as you get older but I’ve also realized that friendships are more precious and I only want to put the effort in for people I truly appreciate and who appreciate me right back. Thanks for this post!

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:46 pm

      hahahaha you have no idea how many times I’ve been tempted to approach someone and tell them how much I like their shoes and that we should definitely be friends…I rarely follow through but maybe I should??

      And I love your blog! I absolutely feel like I’ve gotten to know you since we blog-connected (is that a thing??). It’s too bad we don’t live closer but each friendship is different so you gotta work with what you’ve got!

  • Reply
    Alex @ Kenzie Life
    September 13, 2013 at 5:59 pm

    This post resonated with me a lot. Last year I moved from Philadelphia back to Denver (my not-hometown hometown). I had a rough time in high school so I didn’t have any high school friends to call when I moved back and all my college friends were scattered across the US and the world (my best friend moved to London). It was really hard to start from scratch when I moved back to CO (especially since I moved back because my longtime boyfriend and I had broken up). It was really rough and I got really lonely. Slowly but surely I started putting myself out there, forcing myself to go out and spend time with my sister and her friends (who eventually became my friends), and then getting to know people through workout classes and other things I had going on in my life. It’s a hard thing to do, to start over, but you just have to keep going I think. I’m reminded of the movie “I Love You Man” when Paul Rudd’s character asks guys out for “man dates”.

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:51 pm

      I LOVE that movie!!

      I know exactly how you feel. When you’re feeling lonely sometimes it’s easier to dwell in your loneliness and feel sorry for yourself than put yourself out their with the possibility of rejection. If I’ve learned anything it’s that most people are looking for new friends and those that aren’t are just lame and I wouldn’t want to be friends with them anyway. Sounds like you’ve created a good plan for yourself and it’s totally working.

      You always have a friend in me btw 🙂

  • Reply
    Sarah Cook
    September 13, 2013 at 6:16 pm

    Oh my gosh, that picture of you is hilarious!! I love it.
    I love this post too. I can totally relate to everything you wrote. I have moved so many times (literally every three years or so) and have had to make new friends every time. We’ve been in California for a year now and I haven’t made any friends that I actually hang out with.
    I actually tried to befriend a local blogger recently and it didn’t work out too well. I think she thought a little too highly of herself to make new friends. Oh well!
    It’s definitely a goal of mine to put myself out there more. I wish you would just come move to San Francisco and make it easy for me. 🙂

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 14, 2013 at 12:01 am

      I really wish I knew what I was so hysterical about in that picture!

      I also wish I knew who the blogger was so I could comment on her posts telling her her workout broke my leg or recipe gave me food poisoning…kidding…sort of!

      I PROMISE you I will be living in SF in the next few years and then we can make our friendship official. In the meantime I’m totally digging our LD friendship 😉

  • Reply
    Nicole @ Foodie Loves Fitness
    September 13, 2013 at 6:19 pm

    Yes I will! You’re right, friendships are definitely harding to form than when I was a kid, but I also feel that I have higher quality friendships now instead of having 407 people I’m friends with simply because I was in the same school district as them and spent most of my day with them involuntarily. My friends now are people I truly enjoy being around and believe are good human beings.

    Moving from the New Jersey to California was interesting in terms of forming friends. I found that some of the women I was around in the military wives’ world were catty and kind of mean for no reason. I’m glad I was around it though, because it showed me what I never want to be like and helped me grow confidence in who I am as a person. I’ve figured out that I kind of like being in weird social situations that force me out of my comfort zone – it’s how I’ve met a few of my closest friends in the world!

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 14, 2013 at 12:09 am

      I hate catty girls! There shouldn’t be room for people like that! I’m so sorry you had to deal with that but it sounds like you held your own and learned a lot which is the best you could ask for. I think once you’ve had the experience of moving somewhere new and being forced to make friends you really see what you’re made of and almost crave living the experience over again. There’s some exciting albeit scary about it!

      I definitely consider you a friend. I know I’ve told you this before but I LOVE your blog. Hope you’re having an awesome time in Amsterdam 🙂

  • Reply
    nutritiouslysweet.com
    September 13, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    Friendships are much harder now! It seems like people are more spiteful and only look out for themselves, which is fine but I don’t like those that think they are innocent. I don’t know what I am trying to say but I found that I have more sincere people throw online or through YouTube (when I did more vlogs). We can be friends because I think you are awesome!!! 🙂

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 14, 2013 at 12:06 am

      I hate people like that. They act like their friend quota is full and it’s lame…

      I’ve met some amazing people through the blogosphere. For some reason we bloggers are just more open to new friendships. Now if only we just lived in the same city so we could all hang out on a Friday night 😉

  • Reply
    gottaeatgreen.com
    September 13, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    Umm I totally love this! I can relate so so much, you have no idea. I moved to Toronto knowing maybe THREE people. It was scary and I felt like a total loner. Gradually more of my friends from University started moving to the city so it got a bit better.. but with work and busy schedules, I didn’t keep in touch with a lot of people. Sucks but the friends I have now I cherish even more! Oh and now that we know we live so close to eachother.. let’s go on that Barre date soon! Or even a coffee date!

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 14, 2013 at 12:03 am

      I am so down for a Barre and coffee date whenever! We actually live so close it’s absurd. We definitely need to be friends 🙂

  • Reply
    Alisha @ Alisha's Appetite
    September 13, 2013 at 8:13 pm

    I LOVED this post! I can relate to it on soooo many levels, especially living in a new state hundreds of miles from my friends and family- it makes for an interesting time to try and make friends. I’ve been here a year now and have made more friends here already (by trying and putting myself out there) than I did in all of the 2 years I lived in Minnesota. I’d love to be your friend! Thanks for the cool post!

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:54 pm

      That’s awesome girl! Sometimes it takes a big change in environment to change your personality 🙂

      Glad I have a friend in you!

  • Reply
    Nikki@willrunforpizza
    September 13, 2013 at 9:40 pm

    LOVE this post! My hus and I have talked about this same issue a lot since we have been together! It’s so much harder to make friends when you get out of high school! You have to search for people that you can have that “common bond” with and it’s hard! I haven’t had many deep friendships since high school. I’ve had a few, but they have come and gone. For us, so many couples our age have kids, and since we don’t yet, we don’t have THAT “connection”. If that makes any sense…? I like to be active and more social than the Hus, but then I don’t want to “go out” & act like I’m single either! Totally relate with you here and heck ya I’ll be your friend! If your ever in Columbus, OH, we can go for a run and have lunch! 🙂

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:53 pm

      Nikki I can’t even imagine what a challenge that must be. Especially when most of your couple friends have kids. I know how badly you want kids as well so it must be incredibly challenging. It’s easy when you’re in a relationship to just hang out with each other. Have you ever thought of joining a club or a class of some sort? I’m starting a baking class next tuesday and am hoping to meet some new people there. I’ve also met new people in workout classes. It allows you to have your social “going-out” time without feeling all single lady 😉

      Columbus is not that far from Toronto! We can run towards each other and meet in the middle!!! I would love to go for a run and have lunch. For the record if you ever need to talk feel free to shoot me an email. I’m all ears friend 🙂

    • Reply
      Nikki@willrunforpizza
      September 14, 2013 at 3:02 am

      Good idea on joining a class! I mean, I’ve met people at the gym in the classes I take, but finding a class/hobby that includes more talking/interacting would help I’m sure! Thanks for the inspiration!

  • Reply
    Curly Pink Runner
    September 13, 2013 at 10:28 pm

    YES, Yes, YES, let’s be friends!!! 🙂
    Neat post! Definitely has me thinking about my friendships. I never had a ton of friends growing up- most of my friends were pen pals who lived far away. This is a pattern that has continued into my adult life— most of my friends now are bloggers!! 🙂

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:48 pm

      I feel like I’m closer with some of my blogging friends even more so than my real life friends. We just all share a lot of the same things in common and I feel so comfortable talking to you guys about things. Looking forward to getting to know you better love 🙂

  • Reply
    courtneyem.com
    September 13, 2013 at 11:12 pm

    This is a great post! and YES of course we can be friends! 🙂

  • Reply
    Arman @ thebigmansworld
    September 13, 2013 at 11:35 pm

    No. A karadashian fan and not having read harry potter OR watched a movie? Fail whale.

    Just kidding, I’m so glad for this blogging community- it has lead to many ‘blends’ and I’m fortunate to count you as one of them! I can relate to you- not only because we are of similar age, but also I find the age we are at is the one where people are either settling down, focusing on careers and time spent savouring friendship diminishes.

    Keep blogging like a champ, Kar-vida. Sorry, mistake again. Davida.

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 13, 2013 at 11:47 pm

      we’re done. Jussssst kidding! I forgive you but purely cause I plan to use you when I travel to Australia and need a couch to sleep on 😉

  • Reply
    Paige Podbelsek
    September 14, 2013 at 12:07 am

    LOVE this! I can totally relate…I’ve always been uncomfortable in situations where I don’t know people, and joining a sorority in college pushed me out of that big time! You can’t say no ever when you live with 30 other girls in one house 🙂 Thanks for sharing!! Enjoy your weekend Davida 🙂

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 14, 2013 at 12:10 am

      I really wish I’d known what being in a sorority was like! I guess we’re kind of in a blogger sorority right? With the occasional male.

      Have a wonderful weekend friend 🙂

  • Reply
    Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table
    September 14, 2013 at 12:59 am

    It is harder to make friends as you get older! I’ve found that going to events alone is a fun way to do it. It’s intimidating at first, but it forces you to talk to new people. I met one of my best friends (who I ended up going to Italy with!) by going to the Food & Wine Festival alone.

  • Reply
    Love What You Do
    September 14, 2013 at 2:05 am

    I moved to TN all by myself knowing no body. I felt like when I was trying to make friends, they thought I was trying to pick them up. It made for a lot of laughs!!!

  • Reply
    Jillienne @ ChasingRaspberries
    September 14, 2013 at 2:16 am

    Since I lived in the same small town for 20 years of my life, I also have a lot of old friendships. It wasn’t until I moved to LA that I found myself seeking out new friends. I remember once we moved, I would make friends with people at the bank, in the grocery store and even at the car wash!

  • Reply
    Carla Bruns
    September 14, 2013 at 3:20 am

    I’m horrible at making friends but now that I’m in my mid-forties (please don’t tell people), I’m finding that my introvert ways can sometimes be lonely. Even with a husband and a cat. So far this month to step outside my comfort zone I went to an IAAP meeting and a Pampered Chef party. Not to mention that I had my family over for a family Sunday meal. Seriously this is major socialization for me. It did seem easier when we were little but I like your perspective about thinking about it a lot less.

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 16, 2013 at 8:24 pm

      Good for you Carla!!! Try not to overthink it. People are a lot more willing to make new friends than we think. It’s scary being so vulnerable though…

  • Reply
    christina @ Pinch of Healthy
    September 14, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    Love this post, I think it’s harder for me to make friends as an adult because of the fear of rejection, but you’re right, what do we really have to lose? I find it easy in University for me because my program is so specific so we all cluster and group together and everyone knows everyone. However, it is so much harder for me to find “couple” friends that my hubby and I can go on double dates with! Oh and yes of course 🙂

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 16, 2013 at 8:26 pm

      My BF and I struggle with the same thing. I think as we get older though and more people start pairing off, double dates will become more frequent…or so I hope!

  • Reply
    Tina @ Tinas Chic Corner
    September 14, 2013 at 7:05 pm

    Such a cute post! We are vulnerable when we attempt to make friends and as a 5 year old you don’t realize that you have those vulnerabilities. It’s definitely hard to find genuine friends, those you trust for real, but finding them makes it worth putting yourself out there and taking risks (which is not as easy for me).
    Absolutely would be your friend. 🙂

    • Reply
      Davida @TheHealthyMaven
      September 16, 2013 at 8:25 pm

      Couldn’t have said it better myself Tina! I wish I had the self-confidence I had as a 5 year old!

  • Reply
    *CaNdY FiT*
    September 14, 2013 at 8:56 pm

    Yes, absolutely 🙂

  • Reply
    Meghan @ fitnesscrEATures
    September 16, 2013 at 1:09 am

    God you are so cute!! 🙂 Making friends as an adult is a bit harder than as a kid, for sure. There are so many perspectives and so many diverse people out there and then when you’re in a 9-5, well, your opportunities to go out and meet new people are shot. I don’t have A LOT of friends, but I have a few amazing friends that will likely be there for me for the rest of my life.
    Move to ATL next time you move to America and we can be besties. K thanks.

  • Reply
    Emily Kathryn
    September 18, 2013 at 4:17 pm

    This is such an amazing post and I relate to it so much! I moved away a few years after college and making friends is definitely more difficult. But I realized I’m looking for different things in a friendship now too (not just someone to party with as it was in college). And I love that friends quote!

  • Reply
    Run like a G!
    September 22, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    Loved this post!
    Thanks for sharing your honesty!

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