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*warning: this is a long one!
I didn’t post on Monday. This might not seem like a big deal to you, and likely you didn’t even notice, but trust me, I did. I cannot remember the last time I skipped a Monday post. I really like posting on Mondays. It makes me feel like I’ve started my week off on the right foot and reinvigorates my love for this beautiful community I am proud to be a part of.
But this Monday was different.
I actually had a post written, but at 2:00 AM I decided to unschedule it. After tossing and turning in bed I realized that my intuition was telling me that this post was not authentically “me”. I was stressing over how my words would be interpreted, if I even had the authority to speak knowledgeably on the topic or if it was even worth talking about at all. Because my gut was telling me not to post it, I didn’t. Two days later I am happy I didn’t. It’s given me time to reflect on both the content of the post and why I had such a hard time sharing it. *edited: In some sick turn of events I accidentally scheduled that post for this morning so I guess I ended up sharing it anyway. FML.
When I first started blogging no one knew about my blog. At least no one in my “real life”. It was easy for me to talk about whatever I wanted because I felt anonymous. Eventually I did open up to sharing my blog with my friends and family and began connecting with other bloggers in the healthy living community. I do not regret this decision one bit. I’ve learned more about myself and what I feel passionate about in the last year of blogging than I have in the last 5 years! I attribute a lot of this to my own blog, but also to the amazing bloggers who inspire me everyday.
In the 402 days I’ve been blogging I have become increasingly aware of my readers. Having readers is a great thing. Who doesn’t want people to read their blog?! I could not be more grateful for the people who come here everyday or stop by every so often. Your opinions matter to me, what you want to see matters to me. I want you to come here and enjoy a recipe or a workout or at the very least a good laugh about the ridiculous events that go down in my life.
Then there are my friends, family and fellow bloggers who I love dearly but are very quick to share their opinions with me.
Don’t get me wrong, I ask for a lot of feedback too. This is something that I will likely continue to do, but I need to start taking this feedback with a grain of salt.
I have a tendency of letting in too many voices. I let these voices dictate my decisions and I lose myself in the process. I’ve been finding that despite the millions of thoughts coursing through my head, I have very little to say. Mainly because I’ve let other people’s opinions (both direct and indirect) become infiltrated with my own. This can be confusing, contradictory and just plain exhausting.
Lately I have felt far more inspired in the kitchen and with my camera than I have with my words. I don’t have profound thoughts or insights to share but I do have an insane amount of foodie creativity pulsing through me.
Maybe I’ll post too many recipes for you, or maybe you’ll be totally stoked about this. Maybe next week I’ll rediscover my inner buddha and guru Davs will pretend like she has something worthwhile to say. Or maybe you’re pissed that The Healthy Maven is now more than just a hobby for me, it is a business.
I want to consider your opinions, they matter to me. I want to post recipes you want to see and want to make. I want you to also feel like I am present when I post. That I am 100% authentic with everything I have to say. But I’ve also come to realize that I can’t please everybody.
When I try to be something I am not, I forget who I am in the first place.
This post is my way of finding my blogging voice.
phew I feel better 🙂
Are you someone who considers other people’s opinions? Bloggers, have you ever felt like you’ve “lost your voice”?